For some reason, three things have always stood out in my mind about AJ's birthmother.
I remember getting the referral pictures and noticing a woman in a pink shirt with AJ. At the time, I didn't put two and two together (mind you I was running through the house trying to answer the phone!). Something prompted me to ask our agency who the woman was and she was indeed, AJ's birthmother. There are two pictures of her with him. One bothers me. It is picture of his birthmother handing him over to one of the nineras (orphange caregivers). It still breaks my heart. She is a beautiful woman. Long, shiny, black hair and the biggest dark eyes I've ever seen. Her face says a thousand silent words to me.
When AJ's referral packet came in the mail I noticed her birthday was in October. I remember that day. It was a few weeks after we received AJ's referral and I was bawling. For her. Here this woman had given us the biggest blessing and she was celebrating yet another birthday without her son. I don't have enough space to list all the emotions that I was feeling on that day. I've heard many adoptive mother's celebrate their children's birthmother the day before or on Mother's Day in May. I decided that I would wear a pink shirt on AJ's birthmother's birthday and honor that day instead.
She and I are the same age. Our different worlds baffled and continue to baffle me. How can a young woman in a third-world country be faced with such a decision, while a young woman in this country can pursue international adoption? I will forever be grateful to AJ's birthmother. She made an incredible decision that changed my life-FOREVER. I know she knows who we are, what we look like (via pictures and our attorneys information) and where we live. She knows AJ is ok. That is something I take great pride in.
On the days where all of this is too much to bear, I think of AJ's birthmom. I am raising a son. Our son, and her son. I am forever grateful to her for giving me the chance to be mom. She knew she could not provide for him. I hope she finds comfort that he is so loved and growing up as he should. Her birthday was a few days ago...and a pink shirt I wore as I took AJ to therapy.
Many of you have seen AJ's lifebook-and found the poem about a birthmother and adoptive mother very touching. I have posted it below...
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother. Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun. The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love.
The second was there to give it. One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim. One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears. One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied. And now you ask me, through your tears,the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither.
Just two different kinds of Love. © Author Unknown