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  • Writer's pictureHeidi Renee

The Night Before Surgery

So here it is...the night before surgery. I have been thinking about what I'd want to write on this night. Imagining how I'd feel. How we'd feel.

Today has been an odd day. Almost as if I was going through the motions-like an out of body experience.

As I drove home, the rain began to sprinkle, with the sun coming and going at its own discretion. Reality suddenly hit. AJ's entire world is about to change. Just the fact that he will have the "equipment" to hear astounds me. AJ IS GOING TO HEAR. (Note: Repeat to self multiple times as needed)

The sun appearing and then disappearing during the rain reminded me of what this journey has been like. Not just AJ's journey to hear, but his ENTIRE journey up to this point. From the moment we stepped off the plane with AJ, it has been raining. Maybe off and on, maybe partly cloudy with a chance of showers, maybe torrential at times. But through it all, the sun has come out. Here and there, not always when we thought needed it, but when the big man upstairs knew we were drowning and desperately needed dry land.

AJ is no longer a blog of jello (thank you to my Mom for that description of him when we came walking up the terminal). Our little boy, is a little man. A toddler. Who may not be doing all of the "typical" things almost three year old little boys do...but he does show us his wit, smarts, stubborness, strength, and humor all in a day's fun. His smile and laugh are truly contagious. He is the very thing that keeps me going on the lowest of days...which is interesting to me, since most of those low days are in relation to something someone has told me he is "not doing."

I am so proud of him, I have no words to describe the pride that is filling my heart tonight. I wanted to create a few photo montages with pictures from his first referral picture all the way to the present. I soon realized that I needed to be functional for tomorrow and will save that emotional rollercoaster for another time. Just thinking about how far he's come makes me tear up. My little man made eye contact with me tonight and cracked his "flirty" smile at me, which he knows makes me laugh and sign to him.

Am I nervous for tomorrow? A little. I am more nervous about post-op than I am about anything else at this point. I know he will be in good hands during his surgery. It's the overnight stay and sensory reaction to the bandage on his head that worry me. Whatever comes, we'll just go with it. AJ will be a bionic boy. He will hear in one months time.


So here we are, t-minus 11 hours till surgery. Nothing left to do but wait for tomorrow's cool mist and awesome rainbow....

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